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Question: How many letters are there in the English alphabet?
Answer: 18 letters! 3 in "the", 7 in "English", and 8 in "alphabet".

A man asked for a meal in a restaurant. The waiter brought the food and put it on the table. After a moment, the man called the waiter and said:
"Waiter! Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!"
"Please don't speak so loudly, sir," said the waiter, "or everyone will want one."

Question: There are 5 birds in a tree. A hunter shoots 2 of them dead. How many birds are left?
Answer: 2 birds. The other 3 flown away!

Question: If a man was born in Italy, went to America and died in San Francisco, what would he be?
Answer: Dead!


Question: Why is the letter "T" like an island?
Answer: Because it is in the middle of waTer!

Question: I have 12 legs, 12 arms and 8 heads. What am I?
Answer: A liar!

Question: What's worse than finding a maggot in an apple?
Answer: Finding half a maggot!

A blonde and a brunette are skydiving. 
The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord -- nothing happens. 
She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing. 
The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! 
So you wanna race, huh?"


A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. As they talked they were constantly interupted by people describing their health problems and asking the doctor for medical advice. 
After an hour of this the doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" 
The lawyer replied, "I give them the advice, and then the next day I send them a bill for the advice. They pay the bill, and never ask me for advice outside the office again." 
The doctor was shocked but decided to try it. 
The next day while the doctor was preparing the new bills the postman pushed a letter through his letterbox. 
The doctor opened the envelope and inside found a bill from the lawyer.


A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods! 
A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God!


A little boy returned home from school and told his father that he had failed the maths test. 
His father asked him, "Why did you fail?" 
The boy replied, "The teacher asked me 'How much is 3 x 2?' and I said '3 x 2 is 6'." 
"Well, that's right" said his father. 
The little boy continued, "Then she asked me 'How much is 2 x 3?" 
"What the hell is the difference?" asked the father. 
The son replied, "That's exactly what I said to my teacher and that's why I failed the maths test.

A little girl at a wedding asked, "Mommy, why do brides always wear white?" 
"Because they're happy," the mom replied. 
Halfway through the wedding, the girl whispered, "Mommy, if brides wear white because they're happy, then why do grooms wear black?" 



A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, please help me. I hurt all over." 
The doctor asked the man to explain more. 
The man said, "When I touch my arm it hurts, when I touch my leg it hurts, when I touch my head it hurts. Everywhere I touch it hurts." 
The doctor examined the man and said, "Mr Smith, your finger is broken!"

A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. 
"I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left." 
"Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "Give it to me straight, Doc. How long have I got?" 
"Ten," the doctor says sadly. 
"Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!" 


A man is talking to God. 
The man: "God, how long is a million years?" 
God: "To me, it's about a minute." 
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?" 
God: "To me it's a penny." 
The man: "God, may I have a penny?" 
God: "Wait a minute."

A man walking down the street noticed a small boy trying to reach the doorbell of a house. Even when he jumped up, he couldn't quite reach it. 
The man decided to help the boy, walked up on to the porch and pushed the doorbell. He looked down at the boy, smiled and asked, "What now?" 
The boy answered, "Now we run like crazy!"

                                                                                                            Edited by Valentin Alexeev

                                                                                                            The student of grade 9 B

Категория: Anecdotes | Добавил: ev1l1ns1de (09.05.2012)
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